More than pain in the dentist's chair

       So last week I’m in the dentist’s chair.  I’ve got cordless headsets on, watching Rick Steves Europe while Ken and his assistant are doing their best.  I can’t help but notice the rail-spike sized needles he’s pushing  into various parts of my mouth, but no pain during that, because he’d numbed my gums already.

       Then, somewhere during 15th Century Spanish history, I just happened to notice that Ken was literally sewing part of the roof of my mouth onto the side of my gums.  Now I’m not sure what I expected, but I didn’t think it involved quilting.

       So while I’m enjoying the wonders of the Catalonia region, I’m thinking, “Ooooh, this is going to hurt when the freezing wears off”, but to my surprise – and this is now ten days later – no pain.  Ok, I can’t let anyone punch me on that side of the mouth as the gums are healing, but other than that, virtually nothing (not even the “pizza burn” Ken said I’d get).

       I spoke to others about this and I realize I’m not the only one who recieved grafting for my receding gum line.  In fact there’s this whole secret society out there that don’t come out of the gum-closet, unless you mention it (I think there’s a handshake, but I don’t find out till the stitches are removed).  And every person who’s gone through this procedure has said they’ve gone through great pain, or they know someone who’s gone through great pain.  Everyone.  But not me.

       Two things I’ve learned from this.  One – we really must visit Barcelona, and Two – some things that are painful for some people aren’t painful for others.

       You can’t swing a fake-fur coat around without hitting someone who’s felt some pain, not from something physical, but from mere words.  There are those who say, “No big deal” or “I can handle it” while others are so devastated, they start a very formal process or take stress leave.

       I try not to judge, but I’m human and sometimes think a person is “milking” some situation when it’s really not a big deal.  And in rare situations, that’s the case.  But most of the time it’s not and I have to get rid of my judgement and try to understand what’s bugging that person when others let it roll off their backs.

       For a long time in Canada, our courts and human rights tribunals have spoken about reasonableness when it comes to determining if harassment and discrimination has taken place.  They don’t talk about one “reasonable man” but instead talk about reasonableness for a person in their particular circumstance.  Hence a “reasonable man” might care less about a sexist joke, while a “reasonable woman” could take great offence.  The same would hold true if your skin is not white, or you’re not part of the majority of heterosexual Canadians.

       But this isn’t ground-breaking.  We know there are differences for people, even when we’re out at night.  If you’re walking home from a movie, a couple guys might part ways as they head off in different directions.  However if there’s a woman with you, you’ll often walk her to her home or to her car.   It’s sad that this is the case, but we know that circumstances are different, even in our relatively safe Canada.

       So words, jokes and actions will be different for different people, based on their circumstances.  It’s not always going to be easy to know, as we’re not in people’s heads, but if we start out by being a bit more sensitive to the things we say, we listen when someone speaks up, and we learn from past experiences…it gets easier.  Pain, discomfort, offence, whichever word you use, people are going to respond differently and that’s just part of life.

       For now, wish me luck (knock on wood).  If all goes well, even when the stitches come out, I hope I don’t feel pain.  But if I do and I complain a little, I hope you’ll understand.

Ole!

Stephen

Winner of last skill testing question:  Holly Guran from Saskatoon gave the correct answer that Robert Latimer was sentenced to 10 years by the Supreme Court of Canada for killing his daughter who was in pain from many forms of disabilities.  Many of you had many things to say about the case, with personal stories.  Thanks for sharing.

Today's skill testing question:  On January 25, 2007 a town council in Quebec let immigrants know they are welcome to move to their town, and they adopted a set of "standards" to help them out.  One of the standards said you can't "kill women in public beatings" and you have to leave your birth country's lifestyle at home.  The first person to tell me the name of the Quebec town will win a copy of my book, Managing Human Rights at Work.

Related Resources:

    
 
This blog: http://www.humanrightseachday.com/

My website: http://www.stephenhammond.ca

My Podcast: Type in “HumanRightsaDay” to the iTunes store and listen to each day's event from my book, Steps in the Rights Direction (the easiest way is to go to the homepage of www.StephenHammond.ca )

My Twitter: http://twitter.com/Rightstoday (each day has historical human rights info)

Stephen Hammond, B.A., LL.B., CSP, is a lawyer-turned professional speaker. He’s written two books, Managing Human Rights at Work: 101 practical tips to prevent human rights disasters and Steps in the Rights Direction: 365 human rights celebrations and tragedies that inspired Canada and the world. Both can be purchased on his website www.StephenHammond.ca

copyright - Stephen Hammond - More than pain in the dentist's chair

Comments

[Herb Neufeld]

The town in Quebec is Herouxville!

[Bullybuster Bustingbullies]

Hi Stephen,

You nailed it. Just because it wouldn't have been hurtful to someone else doesn't make it ok to do it to someone that you know would be hurt by it. Thank you for how you so well articulate thoughts and draw comparisons that make it easy for some who find it harder to understand. Love reading what you write. Please keep it coming to hopefully make a difference so that in the end, less people end up feeling the pain, not because they're toughening up, but because it's not being inflicted. Take care :)